I feel like this blog is becoming somewhere I vent my frustrations and where I cry for help. I don't want it to be that way so I WILL post a happy update post within the next few days but for now frustrations.
Monday the 21st would have been my mother's 59th birthday. Another birthday has passed that she's not here and it was hard. The entire week was hard as it was Thanksgiving and my mom loved Thanksgiving or at least she seemed to.
Emory started preschool on my mom's birthday, it was a cold, rainy day which were my mom's favorite next to snowy days. I know that she was with us that day since I was nervous to send Em to school all day. I found comfort in that. My mom had a such a passion for early childhood education so I know she wanted to look over Em at school. Had she been here she would have gone with me to drop her off and the rainy day was her way of telling me it's okay, I'm here.
Now let's fast forward to today. We were at the gas station filling the car up and Emory was crying in the car. I asked her why she was crying and she said ' I want my ganmra to hold me'. What do I say to that? I thought for a minute and just held her hand through the window and told her I would like that too baby. She also started asking about my grandma and my papa and where they were. I just told her heaven and she was good with that. We seemed okay until we were trying to exchange something at the mall and they didn't have the item so we had to go to another location. When we got there Emory was exhausted and being a typical tired 3 year old. She was grabbing stuff and I told her no then grabbed her hand and started walking to where we needed to go, she went limp. She has NEVER done that before and I was mortified and since I was already upset because of our conversations earlier I felt beaten down. I just kept picking her up and making her walk, while I tried to keep my cool and just get out of the store. We got in the car and started the drive home. She told me she was never going to talk to me again, that she didn't like me and a bunch of other things to try and hurt my feelings because she was angry. Then came the waterworks and crying to go to grandma's house. She cried to for her grandma to hold her. I kept tellling her I wanted that too but we can't do that. Grandma lives in heaven and it's just too far away for us to go right now. Then she asked to go to my grandmas house. She cried and asked these things the entire way home, which was about a 25 minute drive. I hit my breaking point about 2 miles from home and I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I told her one last time that we couldn't go to grandma's house and sobbed the rest of the way home.
I want her to know all the wonderful things her grandma's did. I want her to know they would've and do love her very much but it hurts so much to talk about. When she starts asking about her grandma's I just want her to stop because it would be easier for me if she just didn't bring it up but it's not fair to her. she's 3 and deserves to know the truth. I have tried to approach this that way. She doesn't understand the concept of heaven though so this approach isn't working. I've told her grandma doesn't have a house and she can't grasp that. It's because I'm being vague not knowing how to go about this. I'm trying to take my feelings out of it and I can't. I can't get past the 5 year old in me screaming 'I WANT MY MOMMY TOO!!'
I feel like I'm starting the grieving process all over and this might be because I didn't finish going though all the stages of grief. Everything just seems so fresh again.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Grandma lives in heaven
Emory has become very interested in grandma's lately. This topic breaks my heart into a million pieces and I want to cry until my tear ducts are dry.
Warning: This post may jump around...sorry the topic makes me emotional and my mind race.
For those that aren't familiar with our story, my mother died in 2005 and Jason's grandmother who raised him as one of her own and he knew as mom passed away 9 days after my mom did. We were both 16. Therefore Emory does not have a grandma. I don't have any living grandparent's and neither does Jason that we know of.
Today she asked me "Can we go see my ganmra?" I fought back tears and said "no, baby we can't." I don't know what to say to her. I have told her that grandma lives in Heaven and she doesn't understand that. How can I make an almost 3 year old understand that concept? We have a picture of my mom on a shelf in our bedroom and this is what sparked the interest in grandma, she wanted to know who the person in the picture was. I want her to know how great my mother was.
This is a picture of the picture we have in our room.
I want more than anything for her to experience how awesome she was. My mom was the best grandma that anybody could ever have and Emory will never get that. She doesn't have anyone to call grandma and I don't want anyone to have her call them grandma unless biologically they are her grandmother. I didn't have a great relationship with my grandparents and I wanted my children to be super close with theirs. I watched my mom with my nieces and nephews for most of my life and the woman was amazing. I'm envious of people who still have their mothers and that their kids have grandmothers. I try not to be but I am. Jason may feel the same but we don't talk about it much. I don't like talking about missing my mom for some reason.
She does have fabulous aunts and uncles and I am thankful for them everyday.
I thought this mommy gig would be okay without my mom but sometimes I just want to call her and vent and have her tell me that tomorrow is a new day and everything will be okay. I want her advice. I want her here to help me raise my children. Flat out I wasn't done with her and she was taken away way too soon.
Honestly, I haven't been to the cemetary to see her since September 2007. It's still hard for me to even drive by and I may have mentioned this all before. When Emory asked me to go see her I saw the wall she's in and her name on it and taking Em there to visit her. Emory won't understand that. She'll be expecting a person and I can't provide that for her.
Does this get easier? Does anybody have any advice on how I get through this? or How I explain this to my darling 3 year old?
Warning: This post may jump around...sorry the topic makes me emotional and my mind race.
For those that aren't familiar with our story, my mother died in 2005 and Jason's grandmother who raised him as one of her own and he knew as mom passed away 9 days after my mom did. We were both 16. Therefore Emory does not have a grandma. I don't have any living grandparent's and neither does Jason that we know of.
Today she asked me "Can we go see my ganmra?" I fought back tears and said "no, baby we can't." I don't know what to say to her. I have told her that grandma lives in Heaven and she doesn't understand that. How can I make an almost 3 year old understand that concept? We have a picture of my mom on a shelf in our bedroom and this is what sparked the interest in grandma, she wanted to know who the person in the picture was. I want her to know how great my mother was.
This is a picture of the picture we have in our room.
She does have fabulous aunts and uncles and I am thankful for them everyday.
I thought this mommy gig would be okay without my mom but sometimes I just want to call her and vent and have her tell me that tomorrow is a new day and everything will be okay. I want her advice. I want her here to help me raise my children. Flat out I wasn't done with her and she was taken away way too soon.
Honestly, I haven't been to the cemetary to see her since September 2007. It's still hard for me to even drive by and I may have mentioned this all before. When Emory asked me to go see her I saw the wall she's in and her name on it and taking Em there to visit her. Emory won't understand that. She'll be expecting a person and I can't provide that for her.
Does this get easier? Does anybody have any advice on how I get through this? or How I explain this to my darling 3 year old?
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
defeated.
The past few days have been rough at our house. Emory is entering into the trying three's and I'm having a really hard time adjusting to her new behavior. She has been keeping herself entertained for longer periods of time which is much needed because she is testing her boundaries big time! All of sudden she's not listening to anything, throwing tantrums left and right, not napping very well, hitting, pinching and name calling.
I don't know what to do. Here's what we've tried:
redirection
timeout
heavy sensory work(jumping, squeezing pillows, big bear hugs)
quiet time
talking to her about how she's acting.
NOTHING is working. She'll listen when I raise my voice but if I ask her nicely 4 times before that she doesn't care. She does stuff right after I tell her no and watches for my reaction. I know this is part of her development but it's frustrating. I don't want to be yelling at her in the middle of the grocery store. I don't want to be 'that' mom.
We went to the grocery store today and she was upset she was sitting in the cart. (since she started sitting up she has NEVER spent an entire shopping trip in the cart) I told her I wanted her to sit in the cart so I could see her. After her asking to walk(run) probably 10 times she was screaming and we were almost done so I let her out because honestly I didn't have the energy to fight her anymore. She wouldn't stay near me and I had to ask her to come back more than I would have liked to. She almost got hit by somebody's cart because she was running circles around mine and came out from behind it and they barely saw her. In the parking lot, she was walking because she refused to get in the cart, she wouldn't hold onto the cart so here I am holding her hand and pushing the cart with one hand....it was nearly impossible. We get to the car and she throws a gigantic fit about goldfish crackers which were in the back of Deanna's van and I'm not Stretch Armstrong so I told her she had to wait. It was a long drive home. Then when I'm putting the groceries away she was trying to scale the cabinet to get on the counter to reach a dirty binky that was sitting by the sink waiting to be washed. I told her to get down and that binky was dirty. She flopped on the floor, kicking and screaming and looked at me and said "you're stupid". I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw a fit but being a mom that's not allowed so I sent her to time out. She put herself in the corner and she cried while I tried really hard to keep my cool.
I'm exhausted and feel defeated. My nearly 3 year old has defeated me.....How do I fix this? I can't live like this forever. I refuse to let her rule me. I am the mom. Times like this I wish my mom was just a phone call away....
I don't know what to do. Here's what we've tried:
redirection
timeout
heavy sensory work(jumping, squeezing pillows, big bear hugs)
quiet time
talking to her about how she's acting.
NOTHING is working. She'll listen when I raise my voice but if I ask her nicely 4 times before that she doesn't care. She does stuff right after I tell her no and watches for my reaction. I know this is part of her development but it's frustrating. I don't want to be yelling at her in the middle of the grocery store. I don't want to be 'that' mom.
We went to the grocery store today and she was upset she was sitting in the cart. (since she started sitting up she has NEVER spent an entire shopping trip in the cart) I told her I wanted her to sit in the cart so I could see her. After her asking to walk(run) probably 10 times she was screaming and we were almost done so I let her out because honestly I didn't have the energy to fight her anymore. She wouldn't stay near me and I had to ask her to come back more than I would have liked to. She almost got hit by somebody's cart because she was running circles around mine and came out from behind it and they barely saw her. In the parking lot, she was walking because she refused to get in the cart, she wouldn't hold onto the cart so here I am holding her hand and pushing the cart with one hand....it was nearly impossible. We get to the car and she throws a gigantic fit about goldfish crackers which were in the back of Deanna's van and I'm not Stretch Armstrong so I told her she had to wait. It was a long drive home. Then when I'm putting the groceries away she was trying to scale the cabinet to get on the counter to reach a dirty binky that was sitting by the sink waiting to be washed. I told her to get down and that binky was dirty. She flopped on the floor, kicking and screaming and looked at me and said "you're stupid". I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw a fit but being a mom that's not allowed so I sent her to time out. She put herself in the corner and she cried while I tried really hard to keep my cool.
I'm exhausted and feel defeated. My nearly 3 year old has defeated me.....How do I fix this? I can't live like this forever. I refuse to let her rule me. I am the mom. Times like this I wish my mom was just a phone call away....
Thursday, September 15, 2011
wrong?
Sometimes I feel like I didn't cope with Emory's diagnosis' the right way. I didn't cry, I wasn't mad, sure my heart broke but I walked out of those appointment's knowing what our next steps were going to be and that everything was going to be a-okay. People tell me they are sorry and I have to fight the urge to ask them what for. Maybe it's because I don't want people to feel sorry for me and really they shouldn't. Maybe it's because I have been around children with different disabilities my entire life or that I worked with them. Or because I have family members on the Autism Spectrum or with learning disabilities. I really don't know why my world didn't shatter like so many parents say happened to them when their child was diagnosed with such and such.
Honestly I feel bad that it didn't when I read or hear these stories. I feel like I failed at being a caring mother because I didn't grieve. Why do I feel this way? Is it because I more accepting of differences? I really don't feel that way and don't want anyone to think that I'm like that. I feel like I should have felt some kind of sorrow knowing that this little tiny girl, I carried safely in my body for 9 months, has something wrong with her. Should I have watched every dream I had for my baby come crashing down?
My heart hurts thinking that I'm doing something wrong or did something wrong. Emory is happy, healthy, smart and most importanly thriving. So why am I letting this get to me? I really can't answer that right now and it irritates me. It's not like I sat in the opthamologist's office and hollered 'YAHOO' when he told me that Emory has Motor Nystagmous or did cartwheels when he sat Jason and I down in a consult room at Primary Children's and kindly told us that she has Achromatopsia which is genetic, causes the Nystagmous and she has 20/380 vision because of it.. I did neither of these things when the psychologist told me that she is definitely on the Autism Spectrum. I asked them both what that meant for her. They both told me what I needed to do and that was to get her Early Intevention services. Maybe there is nothing to grieve since I finally had answers to my questions and suspicions or because neither of these conditions will affect her quality of life. She'll have to find different ways to do things and that's okay by me.
I'm also wondering if I'm just numb to this. I went in expecting to hear that something was wrong and low and behold something was 'wrong' with her. But I chose to move on and get her services started to help her.
Do you want to know what does break my heart, makes me cry and ask a higher power WHY me?
Watching her as she tries to find the step with her foot when she's inches away because she can't see where the edge is.
Watching as she tries to reach for something on the tray of her stroller because the sun is hitting right where the item is and she can't tell that anything is there.
Seeing her flap her hands for minutes at a time.
Trying so hard for her to look me in the eyes for even 3 short seconds.
Watching a full blown meltdown that I had to walk away from because there's nothing I can to help her.
Hearing her grunt behind me, with her hand up in the air, while she takes tiny steps because she can't see in the bright light and needs mommy or daddy's hand to hold to know that it's safe to keep going.
I wonder every day what I can do to make this easier for her when we've been given all the tips and tools and have the professionals to guide us along.
Some people take the time to ask how I'm doing as a mom to a special needs child and I can only answer 'okay. she keeps me busy' I know they want to make sure I'm okay too and really I am, I'm in this 110% for Emory but sometimes I do feel numb, I feel like I should be sad about this. I feel stuck between emotions and don't know exactly which ones. Should I grieve? What is there to grieve over? In one short year she has gone from saying 20 words to well over 200, barely putting two words together to speaking in 8+ word sentences. She has jumped about 18 months in eye development. She has the fine motor skills of a 4 year old. I want to shout these things from the roof tops but feel that it's not my place.
Ugh I guess I'm just stuck in limbo and I need time to process.
If you read all of this Thanks.
It's a mess, I'm a big confused mess and I really need to go to bed :)
Honestly I feel bad that it didn't when I read or hear these stories. I feel like I failed at being a caring mother because I didn't grieve. Why do I feel this way? Is it because I more accepting of differences? I really don't feel that way and don't want anyone to think that I'm like that. I feel like I should have felt some kind of sorrow knowing that this little tiny girl, I carried safely in my body for 9 months, has something wrong with her. Should I have watched every dream I had for my baby come crashing down?
My heart hurts thinking that I'm doing something wrong or did something wrong. Emory is happy, healthy, smart and most importanly thriving. So why am I letting this get to me? I really can't answer that right now and it irritates me. It's not like I sat in the opthamologist's office and hollered 'YAHOO' when he told me that Emory has Motor Nystagmous or did cartwheels when he sat Jason and I down in a consult room at Primary Children's and kindly told us that she has Achromatopsia which is genetic, causes the Nystagmous and she has 20/380 vision because of it.. I did neither of these things when the psychologist told me that she is definitely on the Autism Spectrum. I asked them both what that meant for her. They both told me what I needed to do and that was to get her Early Intevention services. Maybe there is nothing to grieve since I finally had answers to my questions and suspicions or because neither of these conditions will affect her quality of life. She'll have to find different ways to do things and that's okay by me.
I'm also wondering if I'm just numb to this. I went in expecting to hear that something was wrong and low and behold something was 'wrong' with her. But I chose to move on and get her services started to help her.
Do you want to know what does break my heart, makes me cry and ask a higher power WHY me?
Watching her as she tries to find the step with her foot when she's inches away because she can't see where the edge is.
Watching as she tries to reach for something on the tray of her stroller because the sun is hitting right where the item is and she can't tell that anything is there.
Seeing her flap her hands for minutes at a time.
Trying so hard for her to look me in the eyes for even 3 short seconds.
Watching a full blown meltdown that I had to walk away from because there's nothing I can to help her.
Hearing her grunt behind me, with her hand up in the air, while she takes tiny steps because she can't see in the bright light and needs mommy or daddy's hand to hold to know that it's safe to keep going.
I wonder every day what I can do to make this easier for her when we've been given all the tips and tools and have the professionals to guide us along.
Some people take the time to ask how I'm doing as a mom to a special needs child and I can only answer 'okay. she keeps me busy' I know they want to make sure I'm okay too and really I am, I'm in this 110% for Emory but sometimes I do feel numb, I feel like I should be sad about this. I feel stuck between emotions and don't know exactly which ones. Should I grieve? What is there to grieve over? In one short year she has gone from saying 20 words to well over 200, barely putting two words together to speaking in 8+ word sentences. She has jumped about 18 months in eye development. She has the fine motor skills of a 4 year old. I want to shout these things from the roof tops but feel that it's not my place.
Ugh I guess I'm just stuck in limbo and I need time to process.
If you read all of this Thanks.
It's a mess, I'm a big confused mess and I really need to go to bed :)
Sunday, September 4, 2011
HRM? August and Emory update.
I suck at blogging. I always tell myself I'm going to update more often and then life (uh...Facebook?) gets in the way and a month goes by with no updates. So once again I will try to update more often.
Is it really September already?! Holy cow!!!
Here's the August recap!
We went to Vegas the 7-10 and had a BLAST :) It might need it's own post for pictures and such. We stayed at the Luxor which for the most part was fabulouso! We went and saw the Titanic exhibit which was amazing, the Shark Reef Aquarium, walked the strip til 2 am, rode rides at Circus Circus, gave some slot machines lots of money and of course went shopping. It was so great to get away and be a 'normal' 23 year old in Vegas which could get you in a lot of trouble HAHA. I missed Emory a lot though and I was so excited to go pick her up once we got back into town. When we walked into Deanna's to get her, she went crazy showing us everything she played with while she was there. It was so cute. Then she calmed down, crawled in my lap and passed out within minutes. It was so good to be home with my baby :)
Then we jumped right back into work, therapies, Jobies and just life in general.
Christian was visiting and of course it was a great time. We went up to Park City again so she could take pictures since she left her camera sitting on her bed the last time we went up there. We also went to the outlets for some shopping and got some great deals. Christian left for home on the 20th and as usual it was hard to see her go but she'll be back super soon!!!
I started school on the 24th and my classes seem to be pretty easy, just a lot of reading. I'm taking a nutrition class, fitness class and essentials of college study. 2 of them are online and I have one on campus class that's close to 3 hours long one night a week. I'm excited from the break in math classes and to focus on learning what I want to learn about.
Jason applied to a bank and has had 4 interviews and is waiting to talk with the district manager and we're keeping our fingers crossed that they hire him. He's lost a ton of weight since March and is so happy :) I wish he'd plateau a little so that his pants will fit for longer than 2 weeks without getting too big and so I can catch up a little bit. HAHA..
Emory had testing done for her annual service plan review and holy cow this kid had jumped leaps and bounds ahead of where she was in February, so much that she doesn't qualilfy developmentally anymore. Good thing we have her diagnosis that qualifies her because she needs these services. Honestly I didn't know how much Early Intervention was going to work when we signed on to it last August but it is an amazing program that special needs kids deserve to have. Without it I don't know where we would have been. Emory was behind in development last August and a bit behind in February, now she is right on or way above ( around a 4 year olds range). It's amazing to see these numbers on paper.
We added on vision play group to Emory's plan and we go every Friday. So far it's Emory and one other little boy. They are so cute playing next to eachother but they want nothing to do with eachother LOL. This past Friday was our first playgroup at the Utah School for the Deaf and Blind and it was so neat to see the school and the new playground. Emory loved the playground and all the toys in the classroom. We also met the preschool teacher and she is great. We found out the daily schedule and curriculum they teach. I don't think I have ever met a preschool teacher as sweet as this lady. I could tell that she has a passion for teaching visually impaired kids and she has so much fun doing it. Emory will hopefully start in her class after her birthday in November. I now know that we made the right decision by crossing the district preschool off of the list of options. I feel confident that USDB is where Emory needs to be.
and I think that's it for August.
Is it really September already?! Holy cow!!!
Here's the August recap!
We went to Vegas the 7-10 and had a BLAST :) It might need it's own post for pictures and such. We stayed at the Luxor which for the most part was fabulouso! We went and saw the Titanic exhibit which was amazing, the Shark Reef Aquarium, walked the strip til 2 am, rode rides at Circus Circus, gave some slot machines lots of money and of course went shopping. It was so great to get away and be a 'normal' 23 year old in Vegas which could get you in a lot of trouble HAHA. I missed Emory a lot though and I was so excited to go pick her up once we got back into town. When we walked into Deanna's to get her, she went crazy showing us everything she played with while she was there. It was so cute. Then she calmed down, crawled in my lap and passed out within minutes. It was so good to be home with my baby :)
Then we jumped right back into work, therapies, Jobies and just life in general.
Christian was visiting and of course it was a great time. We went up to Park City again so she could take pictures since she left her camera sitting on her bed the last time we went up there. We also went to the outlets for some shopping and got some great deals. Christian left for home on the 20th and as usual it was hard to see her go but she'll be back super soon!!!
I started school on the 24th and my classes seem to be pretty easy, just a lot of reading. I'm taking a nutrition class, fitness class and essentials of college study. 2 of them are online and I have one on campus class that's close to 3 hours long one night a week. I'm excited from the break in math classes and to focus on learning what I want to learn about.
Jason applied to a bank and has had 4 interviews and is waiting to talk with the district manager and we're keeping our fingers crossed that they hire him. He's lost a ton of weight since March and is so happy :) I wish he'd plateau a little so that his pants will fit for longer than 2 weeks without getting too big and so I can catch up a little bit. HAHA..
Emory had testing done for her annual service plan review and holy cow this kid had jumped leaps and bounds ahead of where she was in February, so much that she doesn't qualilfy developmentally anymore. Good thing we have her diagnosis that qualifies her because she needs these services. Honestly I didn't know how much Early Intervention was going to work when we signed on to it last August but it is an amazing program that special needs kids deserve to have. Without it I don't know where we would have been. Emory was behind in development last August and a bit behind in February, now she is right on or way above ( around a 4 year olds range). It's amazing to see these numbers on paper.
We added on vision play group to Emory's plan and we go every Friday. So far it's Emory and one other little boy. They are so cute playing next to eachother but they want nothing to do with eachother LOL. This past Friday was our first playgroup at the Utah School for the Deaf and Blind and it was so neat to see the school and the new playground. Emory loved the playground and all the toys in the classroom. We also met the preschool teacher and she is great. We found out the daily schedule and curriculum they teach. I don't think I have ever met a preschool teacher as sweet as this lady. I could tell that she has a passion for teaching visually impaired kids and she has so much fun doing it. Emory will hopefully start in her class after her birthday in November. I now know that we made the right decision by crossing the district preschool off of the list of options. I feel confident that USDB is where Emory needs to be.
and I think that's it for August.
Monday, August 1, 2011
UPDATE!!
Quick update.
The last few months have been crazy at our house.
In March we moved to our new apartment that I love so very much. Emory had a rough time adjusting to the move and it took about a month and a half for her to settle down. When we moved she had croup so that made everything much worse. First we move her from everything she has ever known and then she gets super sick for nearly 2 weeks. Jason also lost his job right after we moved. He found another one and started within 3 weeks which was awesome but almost a month without pay put us in a really hard spot as he was the main breadwinner and my paychecks barely covered groceries and 2 tanks of gas. But we made it through.
Christian came for a visit the end of march in the middle of Em being sick, getting settled into the new apartment and Jason job searching it was still a fabulous visit. We went to Wendover for a night, didn't win anything but had a blast.
April things started looking up. Jason went on interviews and was offered each job he interviewed for and he took the one that seemed most stable and provided the best pay without silly incentives. He started his new job the week before Easter and he loves it. Emory also started her new class at school. She moved from structured play which is one on one working on things like 'your turn, my turn', eye contact, sensory things, etc to Play and learn where there are 8 kids and 2 teachers. Its more like preschool, they have free play, do an art project, time to doing gross motor work like walking up stairs and going down slides, they also have a snack and circle. She loves it.She did pick up some frustrating behaviors from class but we have worked those out for the most part.
May was busy since it was the end of Spring semester for me. The end of May I got a new store manager at work and started working more hours. I went from working 10 hours a week to almost 30.
June was busy with Jobie functions. We had installation and then 3 days down in Provo for competitions, meetings and fun. Emory stayed home with Jason and I missed her like crazy. I also started summer semester taking 2 classes. At Emory's last OT visit in June her OT said that she felt Emory didnt' need OT services anymore and I was upset that we didn't recieve any warning of this. Emory did accomplish the goals we set for her and that makes me happy but what I was upset about is that Emory didn't get the warning she deserves.
July has been equally as crazy. Christian came for a visit and it was a blast. We went up to park city, the aquarium and had lots of late nights. Jason and I have both been busy working. The past 2 weeks we've been without a sitter so we're working opposite shifts and hardly see eachother. My schoolwork is behind and my house is destroyed but you do what you gotta do.
August is going to bring some great times. We're headed to Vegas for my birthday and will be baby free! We've never had the experience of Vegas being over 21 and without a child. I'm so excited for the time away from Salt Lake. As much as I love this city, it's nice to get away for a few days.
Thats the update for now since I have to study for finals I have on Friday BOOO!
The last few months have been crazy at our house.
In March we moved to our new apartment that I love so very much. Emory had a rough time adjusting to the move and it took about a month and a half for her to settle down. When we moved she had croup so that made everything much worse. First we move her from everything she has ever known and then she gets super sick for nearly 2 weeks. Jason also lost his job right after we moved. He found another one and started within 3 weeks which was awesome but almost a month without pay put us in a really hard spot as he was the main breadwinner and my paychecks barely covered groceries and 2 tanks of gas. But we made it through.
Christian came for a visit the end of march in the middle of Em being sick, getting settled into the new apartment and Jason job searching it was still a fabulous visit. We went to Wendover for a night, didn't win anything but had a blast.
April things started looking up. Jason went on interviews and was offered each job he interviewed for and he took the one that seemed most stable and provided the best pay without silly incentives. He started his new job the week before Easter and he loves it. Emory also started her new class at school. She moved from structured play which is one on one working on things like 'your turn, my turn', eye contact, sensory things, etc to Play and learn where there are 8 kids and 2 teachers. Its more like preschool, they have free play, do an art project, time to doing gross motor work like walking up stairs and going down slides, they also have a snack and circle. She loves it.She did pick up some frustrating behaviors from class but we have worked those out for the most part.
May was busy since it was the end of Spring semester for me. The end of May I got a new store manager at work and started working more hours. I went from working 10 hours a week to almost 30.
June was busy with Jobie functions. We had installation and then 3 days down in Provo for competitions, meetings and fun. Emory stayed home with Jason and I missed her like crazy. I also started summer semester taking 2 classes. At Emory's last OT visit in June her OT said that she felt Emory didnt' need OT services anymore and I was upset that we didn't recieve any warning of this. Emory did accomplish the goals we set for her and that makes me happy but what I was upset about is that Emory didn't get the warning she deserves.
July has been equally as crazy. Christian came for a visit and it was a blast. We went up to park city, the aquarium and had lots of late nights. Jason and I have both been busy working. The past 2 weeks we've been without a sitter so we're working opposite shifts and hardly see eachother. My schoolwork is behind and my house is destroyed but you do what you gotta do.
August is going to bring some great times. We're headed to Vegas for my birthday and will be baby free! We've never had the experience of Vegas being over 21 and without a child. I'm so excited for the time away from Salt Lake. As much as I love this city, it's nice to get away for a few days.
Thats the update for now since I have to study for finals I have on Friday BOOO!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Time for an update
Life is beyond busy here. Therapy, school, work, Jobies and life in general is crazy busy.
We're getting ready to move into a bigger apartment next week. We're moving into a 3 bedroom and I'm excited to have the extra room for the extra furniture we have and for when we have people stay they won't have to bunk with Emory.
Im excited to save some money every month since the new apartment is cheaper than what we pay now and the floor plan is laid out so much better.
Im not excited to pack up every thing we own and move it. We just spent the last week moving Deanna and the kids, it was a nightmare and I'm not ready to do it again. haha. But you gotta do, what you gotta do.
It's nearly one am and I better get to bed but a quick update of what's being going on the past month.
Emory has battled 16 buggie bites all over her and the next week we battled Croup and a double ear infection which she is still getting over croup. Its been a week since diagnosed so I'm hoping we'll be over it soon :( It's been a long 2 weeks of no sleep.
I got 100% on a math test and 95% on a test in Marriage and Family relationships :D
Jason is working a ton like usual and I'm working the same or less than usual but I love the time with Emory so it all works out.
We bought a new car. After searching for MONTHS online for a Mazda 5 I found an 07 for an amazing price with only 54000 miles on it. We traded in the Sonata and we love our new family car. Now if we can just get the financing in order we'll be set. (the bank is being lame)
We found out how far Emory has come in 6 months of therapy. She has jumped months and months ahead of where she was in September. The average I think is 10 months of progress and she is ahead in a few things and only a tiny bit behind in others. She is amazing and I'm so happy all her services are working. In 2 months we'll meet with the school district and the School for the Deaf and the Blind to start our transition into preschool. I really hope that she qualifies for preschool the School for the Deaf and the Blind since it's a full day program. The school district is 2 days a week for 90 min each....which is what she goes to now but she has her visits on top of that. I don't want to her to regress by not having all the help that she has now. I'm scared for her to turn 3 and for her to lose all of her awesome providers and therapies.
Off to bed for me now :)
We're getting ready to move into a bigger apartment next week. We're moving into a 3 bedroom and I'm excited to have the extra room for the extra furniture we have and for when we have people stay they won't have to bunk with Emory.
Im excited to save some money every month since the new apartment is cheaper than what we pay now and the floor plan is laid out so much better.
Im not excited to pack up every thing we own and move it. We just spent the last week moving Deanna and the kids, it was a nightmare and I'm not ready to do it again. haha. But you gotta do, what you gotta do.
It's nearly one am and I better get to bed but a quick update of what's being going on the past month.
Emory has battled 16 buggie bites all over her and the next week we battled Croup and a double ear infection which she is still getting over croup. Its been a week since diagnosed so I'm hoping we'll be over it soon :( It's been a long 2 weeks of no sleep.
I got 100% on a math test and 95% on a test in Marriage and Family relationships :D
Jason is working a ton like usual and I'm working the same or less than usual but I love the time with Emory so it all works out.
We bought a new car. After searching for MONTHS online for a Mazda 5 I found an 07 for an amazing price with only 54000 miles on it. We traded in the Sonata and we love our new family car. Now if we can just get the financing in order we'll be set. (the bank is being lame)
We found out how far Emory has come in 6 months of therapy. She has jumped months and months ahead of where she was in September. The average I think is 10 months of progress and she is ahead in a few things and only a tiny bit behind in others. She is amazing and I'm so happy all her services are working. In 2 months we'll meet with the school district and the School for the Deaf and the Blind to start our transition into preschool. I really hope that she qualifies for preschool the School for the Deaf and the Blind since it's a full day program. The school district is 2 days a week for 90 min each....which is what she goes to now but she has her visits on top of that. I don't want to her to regress by not having all the help that she has now. I'm scared for her to turn 3 and for her to lose all of her awesome providers and therapies.
Off to bed for me now :)
Friday, February 11, 2011
the world in a new light
Lately I've been noticing how loud and bright our world really is. Having an Autistic child has opened up my eyes and ears to what's going on around me. Have you ever stood for a second in the grocery store and listened to what's going on? Store music, the registers beeping, a voice over the loud speaker, a baby crying on the other end of the store. There are hundreds of noises. Have you stepped back to notice how much there is to take in visually? Colors, shapes, bright flourescent lights, people....another list of hundreds of things. All things that I never use to notice, I just wanted to get in, buy my groceries and get out and with all that the store seemed so quiet to me since I was in a zone.
The past few weeks Emory has been more sensitive to sound. Vacuums are scary, babies crying upset her, beeping of the register makes her repeat "beep, beep" over and over. She makes it very clear when she hears something and I can usually tell when it's bothering her because she doesn't stop telling me about it until it stops.
And have you ever noticed how bright flourescent lights are? Emory is extremely light sensitive and is nearly blind in bright light. We can't escape flourescent lights they are everywhere. :( Look straight into the sun and that's about how emory sees when just in a room of flourescent lights. She squints to block some of the light out. She's learned that it helps but it also cuts her vision down to a very narrow area so she focuses on what she can hear. When I say "come to mommy" she listens for my voice then reaches for my hands.
Because of her vision impairment I think her hearing is heightened and then being Autistic she notices every little noise. You don't realize these little things until you're standing in the middle of the grocery store with a screaming toddler trying to figure out what's wrong, what set her off, begging her to tell you something is wrong but her little mouth and limited vocabulary just can't tell you. When you figure it out it's a mad rush to pay and get out the car. Once in the car with the doors shut, she's back to herself and my heart breaks. How do I make this easier for her?
Today we were driving and the sun was low in the sky and shining right through the windsheild and into Emory's eyes. She screamed "MOMMY TURN THE LIGHT OFF" right then and there my heart broke as I told her "I can't turn it off, it's the sun." This is due to her vision impairment. Her little eyes can't filter the light out and we went from not facing the sun to it shining right back to her when I turned the corner. It was overload and from the way her little voice cracked when she screamed "mommy" it seemed to hurt her and she's never acted like that before when she says things are bright. :(
I want to make things better for her and I can't. She has to learn to cope with the fact that we live in a loud, bright world. I thank her for showing me the world in a different perspective than I was seeing it, I just wish it wasn't under these circumstances.
The past few weeks Emory has been more sensitive to sound. Vacuums are scary, babies crying upset her, beeping of the register makes her repeat "beep, beep" over and over. She makes it very clear when she hears something and I can usually tell when it's bothering her because she doesn't stop telling me about it until it stops.
And have you ever noticed how bright flourescent lights are? Emory is extremely light sensitive and is nearly blind in bright light. We can't escape flourescent lights they are everywhere. :( Look straight into the sun and that's about how emory sees when just in a room of flourescent lights. She squints to block some of the light out. She's learned that it helps but it also cuts her vision down to a very narrow area so she focuses on what she can hear. When I say "come to mommy" she listens for my voice then reaches for my hands.
Because of her vision impairment I think her hearing is heightened and then being Autistic she notices every little noise. You don't realize these little things until you're standing in the middle of the grocery store with a screaming toddler trying to figure out what's wrong, what set her off, begging her to tell you something is wrong but her little mouth and limited vocabulary just can't tell you. When you figure it out it's a mad rush to pay and get out the car. Once in the car with the doors shut, she's back to herself and my heart breaks. How do I make this easier for her?
Today we were driving and the sun was low in the sky and shining right through the windsheild and into Emory's eyes. She screamed "MOMMY TURN THE LIGHT OFF" right then and there my heart broke as I told her "I can't turn it off, it's the sun." This is due to her vision impairment. Her little eyes can't filter the light out and we went from not facing the sun to it shining right back to her when I turned the corner. It was overload and from the way her little voice cracked when she screamed "mommy" it seemed to hurt her and she's never acted like that before when she says things are bright. :(
I want to make things better for her and I can't. She has to learn to cope with the fact that we live in a loud, bright world. I thank her for showing me the world in a different perspective than I was seeing it, I just wish it wasn't under these circumstances.
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