Struggling

With so many things and I don't know where to begin to sort through them and get everything figured out so we can get back on track.

As of now its midterm week with school and I haven't done any assignments the past 4 1/2 weeks. Igh> I dont know why I let myself do this. I guess its because Emory wears me out during the day and when she's in bed I just want some time for me. I get on facebook to just check in and then bam hours have gone by and I'm exhausted. So I crawl into bed and thats it. I could do it when she naps except up until 2 days ago she would only nap in the car or if she was asleep on our chests while we laid on the couch with her and then I would nap as well since I was stuck there. The past couple of days she's napped in her crib. Finally!

Now I just need to figure out school. I'm overwhelmed. I don't know if it's worth it anymore. I wanted to go back so bad. I want to learn new things. I want to succeed but I honestly don't see it happening. I've questioned whether business is really the career for me and I don't know if it is. In the back of my mind I wonder if I should go to school to be a teacher, what I had always dreamed of doing. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I want to enjoy school and right now its just a burden and really stressing me out. School isn't cheap especially where I am going....I don't want to be 30 grand in debt when I finish and then regret getting that degree or going to this school.

I know I am a better student than this, I am capable of A's. Yet I just don't put forth the effort needed to get them. I get behind and then lose points. I don't understand the reading and I know my reading comprehension is on this level. I get so worked up that I can't focus and read the same paragraph 5 times and still don't have a clue what I just read. I take notes while reading and look over them and none of it makes sense. These 3 classes are hard, probably the hardest that I will take. I should have dropped at least one of them at the beginning of the term but I didn't. I thought I could handle it. I can't. I have shut myself off. I don't want to study and do schoolwork, so I don't and then I'm frustrated and angry with myself that I did it. It might be easier if I had to get up and go to school everyday instead of just get online. But right now its not feasible for me to go on ground. Jason goes the morning classes and I have Emory. Then we both work at night, I may not work alot but it's always the days that I work that I am in the mood to get things done and I can't really do that while at work.

I think I need a break from everything, school, work, and here. I need to get away but while away school will follow.... We are getting away the first week of April, we are going down to Vegas and the off to Phoenix :) I'm so excited. I haven't seen my brother and sister in 3 and 4 years. I'm kinda nervous about the trip. Emory's first trip and its alot of time in the car, I don't know how to prepare for it. The fact that I haven't seen my siblings in so long it feels like a reunion of long lost relatives or something lol. I'm stoked for them to meet Emory and to spend time with them. I wish we all lived closer or that we could afford to see eachother more often.

I feel like this post jumped all over and didn't really get out the feelings that I wanted it too. UGH!

If you read it thanks....I can't get anyone else to listen or understand how truly frustrated I feel.