6 weeks ago I finally had a breakthrough and found the motivation to do something for me.
First lets start with the back story to my weight gain.
In 2005 I lost my mom. It was my senior year in high school. I was hardly ever home and I ate my emotions away. I didn't gain weight while I was still in school though. I moved out on my 18th birthday, fast food was so convenient and cheap that Jason and I ate out a lot. More than I'd like to admit. We did eat at home but it was always processed, quick, and easy meals. Top Ramen anyone? I was also working at a daycare and as you probably know kids eat often. Snacks were always readily available. I won't go into detail here because it's a bit embarrassing but I was eating way too much, too often and not enough healthy foods. I gained quite a bit of weight the year after I moved out and worked at the day care.
While I was at the daycare I knew that I had to do something to change what I was doing. This was the first time I joined weight watchers. this was about March of 2007. I joined online and didn't stick to it. It was too confusing and I didn't want to take the time to figure it out. So I kept doing what I had been doing. I also didn't really know how much I weighed. We didn't own a scale and I was afraid to step onto one. From 2006-2007 I went up 2-3 pant sizes though. The first time I remember getting on a scale and being shocked was at my first prenatal appointment with Emory. I was 5 weeks pregnant and 212 lbs. In the year and half since I graduated high school I had gained 60 pounds. Then I was pregnant and didn't think I could do anything to change it.
During pregnancy I gained 30 lbs. I was at 240 lbs a week and a half before Emory was born. The doctor was never concerned about anything and never mentioned my weight. I had told myself though, that after she was born it was going to be game on. I was going to change my lifestyle for her. She was born and 6 weeks after I was back down to 210 lbs. I was pretty happy about that. I was nursing and figured it would help me lose weight since everyone claimed that it does. HAHA. I slowly creeped back up to 240 lbs by the time Emory was 7 or 8 months old. I didn't know what to do. I knew I needed to eat better but honestly didn't know how. I was caught up in the fact that eating healthier foods is so expensive and we didn't have much wiggle room in our grocery budget back in those days. I was stuck and just decided to be happy the way that I was. I didn't feel like I had time to focus on me. I was fully focused on Emory's diagnoses with her eye condition and Autism that I didn't think it was fair to take time away from her. How eating right would take that away I have no idea but that's how my brain works...
Over the last year I have lost 10 lbs, we stopped eating out as much when Jason lost his job last March. I think this is when I lost those 10 lbs because we were forced to eat at home. Thankfully they didn't pack back on.
Moving on to about 2 months ago. I was getting fed up being heavy, seeing myself in pictures, not wanting to play with Emory because it's hard for fat people to get off the floor and run around. I felt lazy and disgusting. My friend Jane joined weight watchers the middle of February. I had been toying with the idea for a couple of weeks but needed a push. She joined and then I knew if I had a buddy I would probably be more successful. I joined Weight Watchers on February 23, 2012 at a very unhealthy weight of 223.4 lbs. The past 6 weeks have completely changed how I look at food. I now measure everything that goes into my body. I drink more water than ever before. I've also grown to love fruits and vegetables. You can always find a Cutie mandarin orange or two in my purse.
Here's a picture from 2/28/2012 5 days into my weight watchers journey. Yes I'm embarrassed about posting these for the entire world to see but I know that I'm on a journey away from being this heavy. I'm making changes for me and quite frankly it's about damn time I did.
