the world in a new light

Lately I've been noticing how loud and bright our world really is. Having an Autistic child has opened up my eyes and ears to what's going on around me. Have you ever stood for a second in the grocery store and listened to what's going on? Store music, the registers beeping, a voice over the loud speaker, a baby crying on the other end of the store. There are hundreds of noises. Have you stepped back to notice how much there is to take in visually? Colors, shapes, bright flourescent lights, people....another list of hundreds of things. All things that I never use to notice, I just wanted to get in, buy my groceries and get out and with all that the store seemed so quiet to me since I was in a zone.

 The past few weeks Emory has been more sensitive to sound. Vacuums are scary, babies crying upset  her, beeping of the register makes her repeat "beep, beep" over and over. She makes it very clear when she hears something and I can usually tell when it's bothering her because she doesn't stop telling me about it until it stops.

And have you ever noticed how bright flourescent lights are? Emory is extremely light sensitive and is nearly blind in bright light. We can't escape flourescent lights they are everywhere. :( Look straight into the sun and that's about how emory sees when just in a room of flourescent lights. She squints to block some of the light out. She's learned that it helps but it also cuts her vision down to a very narrow area so she focuses on what she can hear. When I say "come to mommy" she listens for my voice then reaches for my hands.

Because of her vision impairment I think her hearing is heightened and then being Autistic she notices every little noise. You don't realize these little things until you're standing in the middle of the grocery store with a screaming toddler trying to figure out what's wrong, what set her off, begging her to tell you something is wrong but her little mouth and limited vocabulary just can't tell you. When you figure it out  it's a mad rush to pay and get out the car. Once in the car with the doors shut, she's back to herself and my heart breaks. How do I make this easier for her?

Today we were driving and the sun was low in the sky and shining right through the windsheild and into Emory's eyes. She screamed "MOMMY TURN THE LIGHT OFF" right then and there my heart broke as I told her "I can't turn it off, it's the sun." This is due to her vision impairment. Her little eyes can't filter the light out and we went from not facing the sun to it shining right back to her when I turned the corner. It was overload and from the way her little voice cracked when she screamed "mommy" it seemed to hurt her and she's never acted like that before when she says things are bright. :(

I want to make things better for her and I can't. She has to learn to cope with the fact that we live in a loud, bright world. I thank her for showing me the world in a different perspective than I was seeing it, I just wish it wasn't under these circumstances.