Mr. Ryland and momma update Month 1

You will be 6 weeks old on Tuesday and they have flown by!

We've had a bit of an adjustment period and I think we're still adjusting.

When we first came home you slept like a champ. Only waking at night to nurse a few times. When you were a week old you again discovered your voice and started screaming between the hours of 1 and 5 am off and of for about 3 hours. We got some gas drops and you seemed to get a little better. Along with the drops we made sure you were burped really well, Daddy is the best at getting all those bubbles out. We bicycled your legs and you seemed to get a tiny bit better. At 2 1/2 weeks I started to think you had reflux. You're not a super spitty baby but you seemed to gag after eating and if you did spit you would scream out. Your worse time for this was those awful early morning hours as before. We tried Gripe water for this and it helped get you to sleep a few nights and seemed to give you some relief. This last only a few days but I gave it a week to see how you would do. It didn't change so finally on your one month birthday  I took you to the pediatrician and we got you reflux meds. You have been on them a little over a week and it has seemed to help with your pain. Which makes mommy happy since watching you scream in pain every night was heartbreaking. At the visit you were weighed and were 10 lbs 5 oz! Almost 2 lbs above your birth weight!

You seem to have a bit of colic,when you're awake you cry a majority of the time. That is unless mommy or daddy is holding you upright over our shoulders and patting your back or bouncing you up and down. I think this makes your tummy feel a little better and you also get to view the world from our point of view.

You love to look at lights and very alert these days when you are awake.

 You sleep 18-20 hours a day in increments of 30 min to 2 hours.

You nurse every 1-3 hours around the clock.

You love to sleep cuddled up next to mommy at night but will start out in your bassinet for the first couple hours. 

You don't like dirty diapers, your bouncer or swing when you're awake and when stop at stoplights in the car. 

We've introduced a bottle and you don't seem to be a fan. This has mommy worrying about going back to work and how you'll do when Im not here. You only take about an ounce to ounce and a half when you've been given a bottle and I'm not around. As soon as I get to you, you want to nurse a lot, I think you're making up for the time you missed. Im worried you will start to take less during the day and nurse all night once I'm at work which sounds exhausting for mommy. The cuddles will be appreciated though. ;)

You moved out of newborn diapers at 3 weeks and out of your newborn clothes at 4 weeks. I was sad to see them go since I had actually bought you quite a few things unlike I did for your sister. 3 month clothes are a little big but you are growing into them quickly. 

Now onto how mommy is doing. 

Pelvic pain went away for a couple weeks after delivery but I had horrible back pain on my left side for about 2 1/2 weeks. Once that went away I noticed the pelvic pain was back. My physical therapist said she wanted to see me if it was still there at 4 weeks postpartum. Well we're now back at physical therapy once a week. I should only have one or two more sessions since everything seems to be aligning slowly with exercises and mobility exercises to get my pelvis back in alignment. Nursing Ry is going well, he just likes to eat a lot and it's a bit exhausting for me. I don't remember it being this way with Emory but she had a tiny appetite.

Emotionally, I'm spent. I feel like I don't sleep and well since I'm up every 2 hours for about a half an hour, I'm probably not sleeping well. I find it hard to get going out of bed before 11. We usually head into our bedroom between 12 and 2 am. I look at those hours and feel I should have more sleep or feel rested but I don't. If we get out of bed earlier I usually nap on the couch with him until 11 or noon. I just can't shake this exhaustion. Emory's adjustment has also been wearing me thin. Love that girl but her transition into big sisterdom has been rough. Rough on her and us. Ive become short tempered with her because I feel we do all we can to make her feel included and loved. I don't know how make all this easier on her and sometimes find myself thinking about when it was just the 3 of us and I miss that. I miss it for the fact that I didn't have to watch her meltdown because of a choice her dad and I made. We wanted to grow the family but I didn't imagine it'd make me feel so guilty and feel so lost.

I have to go back to work soon... soon as in it could be this week if the doctor says I'm good to go when I see him on Tuesday. I don't want to go and emotionally I don't know if I'm ready. I cry just thinking about it. I also don't know how I'm going to manage my time. For almost 6 weeks I've been home as a momma of 2. Getting anything done is nearly impossible and I'm here all day. How the heck am I supposed to juggle laundry, cleaning, school work and working 40 hours a week? I HATE that I have to go back. Even if it might be good for me to go and get out of the house. I absolutely hate that we can't make this work. I would be okay to work part time yet it's not offered. I wouldn't be this emotional if I could go back 25 hours a week. I'm not sure how pumping at work is going to work out either and I do not want to buy formula at all.  When I was pregnant I mentally committed to breastfeeding for a year, if I can't pump at work I'll be heartbroken that I can't offer him the best thing for him. Not being able to cuddle him and nurse him when he wants hurts. I should be here when he needs me most of the time. I was able to do that for Em, I should be able to for him. :( I just freaking want to stay home. I also want to feel normal again. The emotional ups and downs I've been on suck.

This transition from 3 to 4 has been much harder than I expected.

End of pregnancy.

Well it's obviously been awhile since I updated. Last update was the announcement that we were pregnant, 15 weeks along and had just found out a new bundle of joy was a boy!

So lets fast forward almost 6 months from that update.

Pregnancy flew by and was pretty okay. I was super emotional, sleep deprived,  had horrible pelvic and pubic pain and quite frankly I was whiney about the pain. However, despite all that, I wasn't sick and really did enjoy being pregnant. Watching my body change each week was amazing. What is even more amazing is that an 8 lb 6 oz baby was squished all up inside me. What a woman's body can do is fascinating to me.

My OB took me out of work at 37 weeks after I broke down in his office. I had been feeling pretty crappy with no sleep and the pain in my pelvis was wearing me down which all lead up to me breaking down in his office at my 37 week appointment. He then wrote me a referral for physical therapy and out of work until after the baby was born. I love that man. I started physical therapy at 38 weeks and got minor relief. Thank goodness! I continued my weekly appointments with my OB, spent 3 weeks pretty much on the couch napping and watching TV with Emory.

At my 39 week appointment we discussed induction, the doctor had been offering to schedule this all along and would have done it at 39 weeks if I wanted. I was dead set on waiting until he wanted to come. I was induced with Miss Em and wanted nothing to do with that process. But at 39 weeks, I broke and we scheduled the induction for my due date. I was not ready to go to 41 weeks again. I don't really think my body would have made it that far but the thought of it was miserable so 40 weeks it was.

The Sunday before induction I had an emotional night, we were putting together the pack and play that little man was going to use next to our bed. Emory was asleep on Jason's side of the bed. I looked over and melted down. It was the last night I was spending with her as an only child and I was putting together something for her brother. I felt like I hadn't spent enough time preparing her for this transition. Felt I didn't use the 3 weeks I was off work to eat up all the time of just being me and her, or the 3 of us. Going from 3 to 4 was a little frightening to me. How was she going to adjust to being an older sibling? Was my love going to be able to be spread between them? My time? I was afraid of the transition to being a mommy to two.

So Monday we spent getting the house finished and spending time with Emory, we went to dinner at Paradise Bakery and got her favorite meal, Mac and Cheese with a cookie. After dinner we went to my sister's to drop her off as we had to be at the hospital early the next morning. Leaving her that night I was weepy again. The next time I saw her, she'd be a big sister and I'd be a momma of two. I'm teary eyed again just thinking about it. That night I tried to sleep, I showered at 1 am. 130 was up painting my toenails in a really awkward position since my belly was large and in charge. I finally nodded off about 3.

Well this post is long enough so I'm going to put the labor story on a new post.