Mr. Ryland and momma update Month 1

You will be 6 weeks old on Tuesday and they have flown by!

We've had a bit of an adjustment period and I think we're still adjusting.

When we first came home you slept like a champ. Only waking at night to nurse a few times. When you were a week old you again discovered your voice and started screaming between the hours of 1 and 5 am off and of for about 3 hours. We got some gas drops and you seemed to get a little better. Along with the drops we made sure you were burped really well, Daddy is the best at getting all those bubbles out. We bicycled your legs and you seemed to get a tiny bit better. At 2 1/2 weeks I started to think you had reflux. You're not a super spitty baby but you seemed to gag after eating and if you did spit you would scream out. Your worse time for this was those awful early morning hours as before. We tried Gripe water for this and it helped get you to sleep a few nights and seemed to give you some relief. This last only a few days but I gave it a week to see how you would do. It didn't change so finally on your one month birthday  I took you to the pediatrician and we got you reflux meds. You have been on them a little over a week and it has seemed to help with your pain. Which makes mommy happy since watching you scream in pain every night was heartbreaking. At the visit you were weighed and were 10 lbs 5 oz! Almost 2 lbs above your birth weight!

You seem to have a bit of colic,when you're awake you cry a majority of the time. That is unless mommy or daddy is holding you upright over our shoulders and patting your back or bouncing you up and down. I think this makes your tummy feel a little better and you also get to view the world from our point of view.

You love to look at lights and very alert these days when you are awake.

 You sleep 18-20 hours a day in increments of 30 min to 2 hours.

You nurse every 1-3 hours around the clock.

You love to sleep cuddled up next to mommy at night but will start out in your bassinet for the first couple hours. 

You don't like dirty diapers, your bouncer or swing when you're awake and when stop at stoplights in the car. 

We've introduced a bottle and you don't seem to be a fan. This has mommy worrying about going back to work and how you'll do when Im not here. You only take about an ounce to ounce and a half when you've been given a bottle and I'm not around. As soon as I get to you, you want to nurse a lot, I think you're making up for the time you missed. Im worried you will start to take less during the day and nurse all night once I'm at work which sounds exhausting for mommy. The cuddles will be appreciated though. ;)

You moved out of newborn diapers at 3 weeks and out of your newborn clothes at 4 weeks. I was sad to see them go since I had actually bought you quite a few things unlike I did for your sister. 3 month clothes are a little big but you are growing into them quickly. 

Now onto how mommy is doing. 

Pelvic pain went away for a couple weeks after delivery but I had horrible back pain on my left side for about 2 1/2 weeks. Once that went away I noticed the pelvic pain was back. My physical therapist said she wanted to see me if it was still there at 4 weeks postpartum. Well we're now back at physical therapy once a week. I should only have one or two more sessions since everything seems to be aligning slowly with exercises and mobility exercises to get my pelvis back in alignment. Nursing Ry is going well, he just likes to eat a lot and it's a bit exhausting for me. I don't remember it being this way with Emory but she had a tiny appetite.

Emotionally, I'm spent. I feel like I don't sleep and well since I'm up every 2 hours for about a half an hour, I'm probably not sleeping well. I find it hard to get going out of bed before 11. We usually head into our bedroom between 12 and 2 am. I look at those hours and feel I should have more sleep or feel rested but I don't. If we get out of bed earlier I usually nap on the couch with him until 11 or noon. I just can't shake this exhaustion. Emory's adjustment has also been wearing me thin. Love that girl but her transition into big sisterdom has been rough. Rough on her and us. Ive become short tempered with her because I feel we do all we can to make her feel included and loved. I don't know how make all this easier on her and sometimes find myself thinking about when it was just the 3 of us and I miss that. I miss it for the fact that I didn't have to watch her meltdown because of a choice her dad and I made. We wanted to grow the family but I didn't imagine it'd make me feel so guilty and feel so lost.

I have to go back to work soon... soon as in it could be this week if the doctor says I'm good to go when I see him on Tuesday. I don't want to go and emotionally I don't know if I'm ready. I cry just thinking about it. I also don't know how I'm going to manage my time. For almost 6 weeks I've been home as a momma of 2. Getting anything done is nearly impossible and I'm here all day. How the heck am I supposed to juggle laundry, cleaning, school work and working 40 hours a week? I HATE that I have to go back. Even if it might be good for me to go and get out of the house. I absolutely hate that we can't make this work. I would be okay to work part time yet it's not offered. I wouldn't be this emotional if I could go back 25 hours a week. I'm not sure how pumping at work is going to work out either and I do not want to buy formula at all.  When I was pregnant I mentally committed to breastfeeding for a year, if I can't pump at work I'll be heartbroken that I can't offer him the best thing for him. Not being able to cuddle him and nurse him when he wants hurts. I should be here when he needs me most of the time. I was able to do that for Em, I should be able to for him. :( I just freaking want to stay home. I also want to feel normal again. The emotional ups and downs I've been on suck.

This transition from 3 to 4 has been much harder than I expected.