defeated.

The past few days have been rough at our house. Emory is entering into the trying three's and I'm having a really hard time adjusting to her new behavior. She has been keeping herself entertained for longer periods of time which is much needed because she is testing her boundaries big time! All of sudden she's not listening to anything, throwing tantrums left and right, not napping very well, hitting, pinching and name calling.

I don't know what to do. Here's what we've tried:
redirection
timeout
heavy sensory work(jumping, squeezing pillows, big bear hugs)
quiet time
talking to her about how she's acting.

NOTHING is working. She'll listen when I raise my voice but if I ask her nicely 4 times before that she doesn't care. She does stuff right after I tell her no and watches for my reaction. I know this is part of her development but it's frustrating. I don't want to be yelling at her in the middle of the grocery store. I don't want to be 'that' mom.

We went to the grocery store today and she was upset she was sitting in the cart. (since she started sitting up she has NEVER spent an entire shopping trip in the cart) I told her I wanted her to sit in the cart so I could see her. After her asking to walk(run) probably 10 times she was screaming and we were almost done so I let her out because honestly I didn't have the energy to fight her anymore. She wouldn't stay near me and I had to ask her to come back more than I would have liked to. She almost got hit by somebody's cart because she was running circles around mine and came out from behind it  and they barely saw her. In the parking lot, she was walking because she refused to get in the cart, she wouldn't hold onto the cart so here  I am holding her hand and pushing the cart with one hand....it was nearly impossible. We get to the car and she throws a gigantic fit about goldfish crackers which were in the back of Deanna's van and I'm not Stretch Armstrong so I told her she had to wait. It was a long drive home. Then when I'm putting the groceries away she was trying to scale the cabinet to get on the counter to reach a dirty binky that was sitting by the sink waiting to be washed. I told her to get down and that binky was dirty. She flopped on the floor, kicking and screaming and looked at me and said "you're stupid". I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw a fit but being a mom that's not allowed so I sent her to time out. She put herself in the corner and she cried while I tried really hard to keep my cool.

I'm exhausted and feel defeated. My nearly 3 year old has defeated me.....How do I fix this? I can't live like this forever. I refuse to let her rule me. I am the mom. Times like this I wish my mom was just a phone call away....